I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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