this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
