Tell her she can't have a vagina
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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