just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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