I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
