At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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