it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
