my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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