Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
