Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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