my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
