the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
