I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
