The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
