fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
