We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
