I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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