I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
