how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a search helicopter?!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize