rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
