we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
