Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
