Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
