then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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