Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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