Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
