How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
