I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
