I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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