you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no, he came in my armpit
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
