On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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