you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
