Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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