I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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