Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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