Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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