I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
