FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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