i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
