Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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