Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
