awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
