never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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