Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
