i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
