just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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