He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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