Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
