we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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