Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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