My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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