I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
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He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.