please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I spit up blood this morning
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.