I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works