How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.