I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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