white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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