if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
