when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
