in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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