I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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