It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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