he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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